KICKASS FRIEND

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Backstory:

I never really had a “title” in school. I wasn’t considered “popular” but I also wasn’t “whatever you would consider being the opposite of that”. I was friends with many different groups; groups that you would never imagine crossing paths. Yet, I was in the middle of it all. I was a part of it all.  I was friends with football players, cheerleaders as well as drama club leaders. I was on the kickline, volleyball, softball AND track and field teams yet I was also involved with both the Horticultural and Math clubs… members and all.

I have moved around the equivalent of about once a year, every year, since being born (ask me about that math). This has had many pros and cons. The biggest takeaway has been that I have met a bunch of people along the way. Through that, I have developed an interest in trying to understand what makes people who they are.

Before I go further, I want to dive into the following:

I recently heard someone say “If you have to question if a certain someone is genuinely happy for you, then they are likely NOT”. In my opinion, there are loopholes in that statement but in general, I find it to be so interesting. I can’t help but wonder why authenticity is so difficult? Why are we so quick to break each other down? Why can’t we be happy with/for ourselves AND those around us? I mean, truly and genuinely… happy. Why do we have this cut-throat-need to constantly be at the top? Be most liked? Be at the forefront of… whatever it is you feel you need to prove and be ahead of?

These questions are what led me to start the journey that I have been on for quite some time now. I have been working to stretch myself beyond what’s comfortable. I have made it a point to allow my mind to think in ways it has not thought before. I have challenged my own views as well as discovered depths that I was restricting myself from…ugly depths. All of this with the goal of making sure that I’m not the person I so deeply despise. I have so much more work to do within myself but I’ve learned quite a bit already.

It’s easy to be fake.

Isn’t it interesting that we’re so easily offended by the word “fake”? We try so hard to avoid being “fake” not realizing that in that pursuit all we’re doing is simply changing its facade. Have you ever thought about how it’s so easy to mask our true thoughts, beliefs, and feelings? It’s easy to avoid self-evaluation and self-improvement because in doing so we avoid having to face our own truths. It’s easy to push aside the things that bother us about ourselves into a subconscious realm that we never bother tapping into. I mean really though, we can avoid it all by simply projecting our issues and insecurities to others, right?… whether it’s a conscious or subconscious process.

Why is authenticity so difficult? Why are we so quick to break each other down? Why can’t we be happy with/for ourselves AND those around us? I mean, truly and genuinely… happy. Why do we have this cut-throat-need to constantly be at the top? Be most liked? Be at the forefront of… whatever it is you feel you need to prove and be ahead of?

Have you heard of the saying “those around you serve as a mirror to yourself“? There have been studies that show that the things we seem to dislike in others are more often than not projections of ourselves. That’s a tough pill to swallow. When we see something we don’t like in someone else, it’s off-putting, right? But all that we do is acknowledge that negative feeling and we move on. We naturally point the finger elsewhere.

How often do you self-evaluate and/or take a few seconds to consider that the issue at hand may very (most) likely have more to do with YOU than the other person? 

We are jealous. We seek affirmation. We point the finger elsewhere. Like I’ve said, it’s all natural. I’m not here to try to change the framework we’re born with. What I am here to do is to challenge you to take action. I’m here to challenge you to make a conscious decision to take hold of what is natural and simply question it.

As I’ve gotten older, it has become more difficult for me to find genuine friendships. I think a lot of us can relate to this. Sure, I’ve moved around a lot more than most people but I believe that it’s more than that. Meeting people is not the issue. At least not for me. Differentiating and identifying these relationships as ones that are worthwhile, genuine and valuable is where the issue lies.

I’m thankful for the people that I have met. I am thankful for the few that have remained and equally thankful for the many that have left. It’s so crucial for us to build each other up. We must take the time to stop, think and analyze ourselves. In that discovery, we learn to value ourselves. When you realize your worth and find joy in your own journey and source, there’s no need to look elsewhere for validation. There’s no need to “want” anyone else’s ANYTHING.

The following serves as an encouragement to myself to be the best that I can be so that I can lift YOU up, my friend. I hope this encourages you to do the same!

Let’s live authentically and unapologetically. Let’s empower and encourage each other. Let’s grow together by being our very best, inside and out.

To you, my KICKASS friend:

Thank you for being true to yourself. For valuing your worth and stretching yourself to be the best version of yourself. Thank you for taking the time to acknowledge that I exist yet you continue to exist within yourself. Thank you for having a giving, receiving and vulnerable heart. Thank you for allowing me to flourish in the same field of flowers as you; we stand side by side. Your roots don’t bleed into mine yet we are grounded together. We build each other up and water ourselves towards growth. Thank you for acknowledging our different needs and yet allowing us to share the same sunshine without competing for more. Thank you for being comfortable with your weaknesses and strengths. Thank you for celebrating me. Thank you for allowing me to celebrate you!

xx,

Dana

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